When I was a kid I had this dream that one day I would be a martial arts sensei, I often asked to do martial arts but my family thought it was stupid or something and never really let me. Similariy when I told my dad I wanted to study computers he said it was a stupid idea because “today anyone can use a computer, you’ll never find a job studying that”, obviously jobs as programmers are pretty common when I look for jobs now and when he thought would’ve been a good idea never shows as a job opportunity.
When I turned 14 I got my first computer, not counting computers of relatives I got to play around with, and since then I started doing stuff, just anything, from the stupidest things like deleting important files which forced me to fix the computer all by myself because we rarely could afford someone to fix it for us.
This, obviously, ended up in me learning a bit of things about computers and now that’s my only source of money, fixing computers or, not as often, building new ones for people. This is not exactly where I wanted to go with this post but I think that despite how much I love my dad I’ll never forgive him for denying me my two favorite things in my life. I could be a programmer now, MAYBE. Maybe I could work on videogames or something but I can’t because “today anyone can use a computer, you’ll never find a job studying that”.
Again, this is not where I wanted to go with this post, but I just realized the topic fills me with anger.
Back to martial arts.
When I was in HS I still asked to do martial arts, the answer was the same, it’s stupid and when you’ll notice you have to actually work hard to it you’ll quit. At the same time I was proving that point wrong by running with my dad, which is the same person who said the words mentioned above. Note that running is something I always hated with a passion but it was the only thing I could do sport wise so… Meh. At the same time my dad proved to be a hypocrite by paying instrument classes just because HE liked the idea of me playing music. If a parent happen to read this junk I type I ask you a favor: DO NOT clip your son/daughter’s wings, if they have a passion encourage it, even if the passion itself doesn’t last long, even if it’s just a moment it won’t hurt. Don’t push them into doing something YOU like if they don’t give a damn about it. Doing something, even for just one year, is still a positive experience. If they do one year of, let’s say capoeira and then decide they don’t really love the thing… It’s not a wasted year, whatever they decide to try next they still have some damn well trined legs and a good start opposed to the other kids starting fresh.
When I turned 18 I dropped from school because
- I was studying something I didn’t love
- I had an alcohol addicted teacher and wasn’t learning shit
- I wanted to fucking work and be productive
- I was very stupid
I managed to find quite a few jobs anyway and started to earn my own money which I could use to pay my martial arts course, I was looking for a specific type of martial arts but couldn’t find a dojo close enough to my place that made me happy enough. At the same time my back-then-girlfriend used to do karate and suggested me to go with her and well, I did and fell in love with it. Even my dad had to admit he was surprised I didn’t drop (after saying “yeah I can’t stop you because it’s your money but you’ll quit soon”). Infact, he was so surprised he understood he was wrong all along and, when I remainded unemployed because of the crisis and my asthma that prevented me from finding other jobs similar to my previous in building yards he kept paying for it.
My father is not a bad person, sometimes he’s just close minded, he think he knows me while he actually really doesn’t (which caused several arguments and probably will cause more until one of us dies) and I don’t think he’s all that intelligent. But he’s my dad and I love him regardless of hi flaws as much as he loves me despite my many flaws. I’m saying this because this specific post might look like a hate post toward my dad to someone who doesn’t know us. Infact he pretty much saved me from a bad situation when I asked him, even tho, goddamnit dad, you should’ve realized I was in a pool of shit before 13 years old me told you so!
Back to the point, I tend to go off topic a lot today, sorry.
After years of karate with my sensei I finally managed to prove myself as a trustworthy individual, I think my sensei respect me a lot, he invited me in his own house for dinner too which is a very important thing, he doesn’t invite just anybody.
We’ve been talking about a thing for a bit now and yesterday we actually did it too. I went to the kids course to help him check on the kids, checking the didn’t do anything bad, they didn’t get hurt… Not replacing his figure of course, not even close, I don’t want people reading this thinking he’d do that. But he wants me to become a teacher myself one day, which is perfect because that’s my dream from when I was a kid as i said previously in this post.
The kids were awesome and adorable and cute and oh my god. One was just walking around all alone before the lesson started, I walked to her, this was very hard for me because I’m socially awkward, hopefully this whole thing will help me with that, anyway I walk to her and say “Hi, what’s your name?” “I’m Sofia.” and I already didn’t know what to do there, my OCPD require the other person to ask me back what my name is before I can do it, but I forced myself to say something because this poor kid was probably more scared than I was “My name is Erik.” she smiled kind of in a shy way and said “Hi Erik.” and I said “Hi Sofia.” with a wide smile, which came out naturally surprisingly, she smiled back and went away skipping, she seemed happy and less stressed I guess. That alone was quite an experience, lasted few seconds but I can’t believe how much kids can teach us. This is also one of the very few moments I remembered a name, it’s very rare.
So I’m on the right way to realize my childhood dream to teach martial arts one day and I’m on the right way to turn my love for computers into a full time job, already kinda doing it, I just need more clients (and advertisement), when I get more clients I’ll rent a place but I’m probably gonna have to wait for the crisis to end for that. Hoping some asshole government don’t start WWIII meanwhile I mean.
I was thinking this yesterday and realized that for the first time in forever I feel like I have a chance to be happy. It’ll take time but I can do it, if things don’t go terribly wrong I can be happy.
A present from my sensei.
This is a japanese “talisman” that should keep snakes away. Perfect gift for a herpetophobe like me.